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  • Dating Primer

    Posted on October 15th, 2009 admin 2 comments

    Dating is fun, or at least it can be. The problem is that many singles don’t know how to get started. That is, how do you go from sitting home alone like a pathetic loser to dining out with someone enjoyable? Here are a few tips to get you caught up with the rest of civilized society.

    1) Find someone you are interested in.

    There are several ways to meet people these days. There is the whole social networking world that should expose you to many people. Your narcissistic Facebook contact with 1,650 friends probably knows someone who is single. Browse through their friends and maybe you’ll find someone interesting. The private profile setting won’t allow you to learn much, but the profile picture alone will tell you enough to get started. You can do the same thing on Twitter. Find someone who has the same interests as you, and then browse through the people they follow and the people who follow them. Take advantage of the network you are already part of. Engage in social network stalking. Don’t worry, it’s legal and more people do it than you think.

    If the idea of social network stalking creeps you out, join an internet dating service. Eharmony is one example. Don’t let the price scare you. You can always email customer service and request a better rate. Tell them you are poor and desperate to find a soul mate. Offer them $20 a month for three months or whatever you can afford. Remember, everything is negotiable. If you go the internet dating route, which I don’t necessarily advise, be prepared to invest a ton of sweat equity. These services consume lots of time, probably more than most people want to invest. One particular single man, who will remain nameless, spent a few months on eHarmony. In the process he had over 1,669 closed matches, which means he didn’t want to communicate with the match or vice-versa. That’s a lot of people, more than the total population of many small towns.

    A good way to meet people is to get out of the house and do something you enjoy. If it’s basketball, join a community league. If it’s working out, join a gym. If it’s reading books, join a book club. You get the point. Don’t do things for the sole purpose of meeting someone to date, but be attentive to those around you as you live life. Meeting people isn’t difficult unless you are an introverted homebody. Get out of the house, live life and let relationships happen. There may come a day when you meet a sweet dear lady through your community service who has a sweet dear grandson who just graduated from med school, moved back to town and is looking for new friends. The people you get know through everyday life are the best people to help you find someone to date. If there isn’t anyone you are interested in dating, get out there and start living life.

    2) Contact the person.

    That’s right, get out of your shell and initiate contact. This challenge applies to men and women. Sure, that may sound crazy to some girls, but there is nothing wrong with subtly letting a man know you are interested in him. That doesn’t mean you turn into a crocodile and consume him when he walks by, but there are common sense ways to let someone know you are interested. Offer a casual greeting. Send a short Facebook message. Follow them on Twitter and should they follow you, send them a direct message. Do something non-threatening to let them know you exist without getting too wild. That means you can’t visit them at work and you can’t write “I love you” on their Facebook wall.

    3) Make the move.

    By this time you should have at least established some form of regular contact, at least through Facebook or email. Ask the person you are interested in to join you for a drink at a local coffee shop. There is no need to spend six months communicating via email unless the circumstances of life require it, as in you are recovering in bed from a motorcycle wreck or you live in Arkansas and she lives in Oz. As you may know, you can tell a lot about someone over a cup of coffee. If you’re like me and don’t like coffee, get over it. It is better to start slowly with a short face-to-face meeting than going all out with the flowers, fine dress, a limo and a swanky meal. If you go through all that trouble without having met the other person, you are going to be super disappointed if you realize the picture you saw on-line was taken ten years and fifty pounds ago, or if the guy turns out to be a jerk even though he attends First Baptist Church with Uncle Ben. Furthermore, when you start with a quick drink, there is no need for an elaborate exit strategy in case you aren’t feeling it. You don’t need the Fake Calls iPhone app to rescue you. That’s such a crock anyway.

    There you go. Consider this a primer on dating. Good luck and let me know what you think.


    2 responses to “Dating Primer” RSS icon

    • Good post! I concur.

    • As someone who recently left eHarmony with over 300 outstanding communication requests, untold closed matches, and after almost 1 1/2 years of working hard at making a connection, I resonate with your example. Since then, I have gone back to trying to network. A job change may help as will the chance to visit different churches to find a good fit with where I connect with God and other Christians, however I have not found the pool of Christian men to be very plentiful (over 25 and under 50). I’m currently in the midst of reading “Midnight Kiss” so hopefully more insight will come. Thanks for the encouraging words.

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